It's been months AGAIN and hopefully I'm back on this blogging thing.

Really not sure why I've started and then stopped ... same old story again.

Recently, I've been reading loads of local blogs, getting inspiration from guys like mrbrown.com. It's my favourite probably because it's darn easy to type into the browser la. Don't have to thisthisthatthis.blogspot.com, you know ...

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and had been into a depressive mood for some reason. It's not just a certain aspect of my life - I think it's everything surrounding it. I wake up every morning not knowing where I'm headed to (well figuratively, not literally ... ), wondering why I'm doing what I'm doing, wondering about what's the purpose in my life, what's I'm headed for, and where I would be in 5/10/20 years time.

Will I still be as living off a measerly salary enjoying things we think we enjoy on the weekend (and killing ourselves over during the weekday?)? Will I still be going to the clubs to listen to some repetitive house music (but that's another story altogether)? Will I be stuck in a corporate rut? Will I be working my ass off paying off car or housing loans (read: compulsory debt) in Singapour?

I took 5 secs to come out with the answers - hell yeh, I reckon if I just do what I do now, it would probably a yes to all the questions above. Without a doubt. It's indeed simple to live a life here if you know what I mean.

I always seem to think "nothing ever happens here". I wonder if this's is a sick thought because sometimes, I do wish we had things like earthquakes & all these nasties calamaties. We're a small island in the world and it's amazing somehow why we dun get any of these shits everyone else in this region is getting. A tree falls down on a road and it's a big hoo ha on the Straits Times, perhaps even garnering a slot in ChannelNewsLater.

I think that's the problem why Singapore isn't as creative as we would like to be - because essentially in our everday life, we dun have real shit to deal with. We wake up every morning, knowing what to expect, what sort of weather to expect, what people we will meet ... what same food we will eat in the same food court, what movies (repeated ones!!) we're force-fed to watch on local TV. There's no major disasters, not collapses, no typhoon, no floods, no nothing, no riots, no movements, no opinions. We were never 'trained' from primary school how to react to adverse situations, how to cope with emergencies, how to think out of the box. The garmen asks us to think out of the box. I can but can the person I am working with "think out of the box"? Probably not and we're back to doing the old shits all over again. I think it would probably take 2 generations for us to change our mindset. Are we too late?

All the shit we're experts at dealing with is probably work related, and it's all a very vicious cycle. We take our lives here for granted and more and more people are absorbed into the system to believe and worship stability in their lives (read: not losing jobs, protecting their own asses, sucking up to bosses - ensuring survival to get the nexy pay check). Are Singaporeans truly happy people?

I think not. I think even the Africans are happier people even though they are poorer. But i dun see myself as any difference to them. At the 1st of the month, they start with nothing and at the end of the month, probably end up with nothing but along the way, they have the time to build relationships, build real friendships & bonds, get to know their families, explore themselves. People here work their keyboards and mouses off the whole month, dun get to see any friends/ families till late at night, and majority of those end up with nothing at the end of the month also to show for. Yes, this group of people do save but the savings end up where? I reckon back to the banks to pay up the housing and car loans so that they can live a life they think they would like to live.

It's sad, isn't it? I wish I wasn't living this life but I am, and I'm sick of it. What can I do?

So, are you truly happy?